One of the most interesting facets of human relationships is that around caretaking. So many people have ended up in so many relationships in which one of the two people is doing some form of caretaking for the other one. It involves all sorts of levels of caretaking and it involves health challenges and it involves lots of the variables of life.
One thing I know that as someone who needs caretaking it brings us a number of issues. My body does not work as I wish it would work. In my mind, I am a fully functioning human being. In real life, not so much so. I can't do some things. It eats at me and frustrates me. I try to do as much as I can because for me it gives me some self-value if I am doing something around the house. I always empty the dishwasher because it is one of the things I can do. It makes me feel good. Of course, I attribute it to the 'dishwasher elf' who comes during the middle of the night and empties the dishwasher.
Yet the balance is that there are times I must ask for help and it is so tough to do. So I am constantly in a state of balance. It ranges from 'leave me alone so I can do it and feel value' to 'this is not something I can do, can you help me?" It sucks and I don't have an answer around it other than the two of us recognizing it.
The second balance point is that it is so easy to become only the caretaker and lose everything else. Suddenly everything is about caretaking. There is no one who can live 24 hours a day caretaking on a long-term basis without some time off.
In means that when Rachel goes to her art class I am so happy. I'd love to see her go to the ocean with her daughter for a couple of days. I will not go and she loves the ocean.
The whole theme is continually changing and must be discussed often because it is a pressure cooker building up steam. It's much easier to recognize early rather than wait for the lid to explode and sitck in the ceiling.
I certainly don't have any answers; I just know that even in the midst of our givens it is difficult. One main given is that I love her and she loves me. We aren't going away but that means we have to continue to find different ways to live with each other.
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