One of Rachl's friends had a serious incident last week. She was sitting at a stop sign when someone hit her car. The car that hit her did so with quite a bit of speed; in fact it was so fast it flipped the friend's car over a few times and the air bags went off. Spirit was with her friend and she ended up with nothing more than some bruises.
The incident hit my interest button. It was the part about it being a 'hit and run.' The person who hit her with such force just drove away quickly. All I could think about was what went on in that mind. First there must have been some horrific thoughts about hitting another car. But then what happens? Is it instant fear and having to get away because of possible punishments? Is it other extenuating circumstances? But that is only the start of the process.
Years ago I was on a back street and came to a stop. It had been raining lightly. The car behind me did not stop in time and hit me. a young woman got out of the car and fell apart emotionally. She was apologetic but most of the panic was around having to tell her father she had been in an accident. In the end there was little damage and I sent her on her way. She went from full panic to total relief and gratitude.
But let's go back to the first incident. Now we have someone walking around with a secret. I think it is something that happens to all of us. We all have a secret we carry with us. In some cases, it is actions we have done less than stellar and bring shame to our thoughts. It is a poor judgement, a mistake in choice that has taken us down the wrong road. I believe we all have such a place within us and I still haven't decided if that is all good or all bad or some of both.
Years ago I was on the track team in high school. I had qualified for the regional meet because of my times. So it was time to get a pair of 'real' track shoes with cleats on the soles (actual removable spikes). I bought them from the school coach. I went home to try them on and spent some time practicing starts in our front yard. The next day was Saturday and one of my chores to water the lawn. You can imagine my feelings when I turned on the hose and all the little holes I had made in the hose from the spikes in my track shoes started leaking. I never told anyone this story so my dad (who has passed away) thought he had a defective hose, not a defective son!
There are some things that are not meant to be shared. They stay in dark places and we don't even think of them most times.
But there is another kind of secret that is totally run by our ego. That is the secret we keep from ourselves. There was a period of time in my blooming adulthood that I had a bout with drugs. It was not a fun time. It was something that was done alone without other people. After a period of time, there was a huge fight within me. I would take a vow that I was through with my drugs and I was going back to a normal and healthy life. Then another bout would occur with drugs. I would realize I had lied to myself. I finally came to a dark night of the soul sitting at a kitchen table doing my drugs and seeing my reflection in the window. I realized I had come to a place with only two choices - die or stop! At that moment, I prayed with every fiber of my body that this was the end of this. I wasn't going to lie to myself anymore. It was the toughest recovery of my life because again I did it alone. Remember in another blog I mentioned in my learning that we can't do this life alone. It is so much easier when there is someone to lean on, someone to share with. Telling the story and sharing the secret can set you free.
So you can see I'm on the fence about this one. Some secrets almost seem sacred and others seem like they must be told in order to heal. I just don't know on this one how to decide which case applies. It's another one of the truly sacred personal decisions we get to make.
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